my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
