people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
