I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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