I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
