Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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