I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
