I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
