Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
