On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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