I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize