This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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