u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize