Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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