You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
