if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
