i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
