dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
