It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
