Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
