I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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