I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
