well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
