Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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