i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
