I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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