We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
