Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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