shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
