is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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