A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
