Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
