My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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