we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My dick has a subreddit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
