what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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