He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize