She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
