She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
