Define "chronic" masturbator.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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