just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
