i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
