I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
