it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
