K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
