Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Quick, to the slutcave!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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