I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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