in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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