i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
