everyone is single if you try hard enough
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
