As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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