does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
