I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
