How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
