Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize