you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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