Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
