Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
