Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
