I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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