Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
