Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
