Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
