"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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