You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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