I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
