I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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