We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
