My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
