Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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