Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
