Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
